My biggest complaint in Singapore is the pedicures.
So here’s the thing. I have very little grooming needs – I am not hirsute, so hair removal is unnecessary. I barely have eyebrows so that’s out too. My skin is sensitive so Singapore’s favorite pass time, facials, are not on my list. And I hate oily naked massages ( I know, I know).
The only beauty thing I really splurged on and truly enjoyed back in India, was my mani pedi. It was an hour long ritual with so much vigorous massaging of feet and calves and so much pampering on vibrating massage chairs while sipping on cold watermelon juice. Sometimes, they would even throw in a back rub just for fun – those kind souls. So when I came to Singapore, I sat on a nail technicians chair and waited for the same experience to unfold. Before I could feel drowsy and after a little bit of scraping of heels, some stressful cutting of cuticles, some hasty polish application – it was over. WHAT? I figured it must be that one place, but no. Several nail salons later I figured, this is what passes for a pedicure in Singapore. I felt cheated and angry (I am totes not being dramatic, my feelings were real) and decided not to shell out any more dollar bills for what I could do at home for free.
The only thing is, it’s bloody hard to circumvent my belly fat and get to my toes. Every fortnight, I sit and try all sorts of acrobatics to bling out my toe nails. So there goes my one simple spa pleasure in life.
Previously, whenever I wanted to say the word(s) “seriously?!(bitch)”, I would. These days I just have a look (illustrated above). Mostly because in the last two years I have been trying to be more adult, and adulthood sucks balls.
You can see this look happen in varying degrees of fierceness when I hear the following:
- “India is the worst country ever. The British should never have left.” (I think your state subsidized college degree would beg to differ, on the basis of which you now pay rent in a more developed country).
- “Women need to listen more and speak less”
- “OMG, have you heard he is gay now?”
- “I have lived in the US and so I can tell you, the Eric Garner incident was not at all racially motivated. Most black people there are really criminals.” (Anecdotal evidence does not a social anthropological argument make, but explaining that to you would take too much time.)
- And my absolute favorite is when women give me half-hearted compliments, like so: “That’s a nice dress/shoes/bag”. “Love your lipstick!” “You are so good with makeup” instead of “You look nice.”
I also have a “Bitch you’re dead to me ” face but that one’s hard to illustrate.