The end of 2013 was the end of an era for me.
I celebrated by speaking to the few people who, I believe, will have some difficulty moving on with their lives was I to die suddenly.
I thought of all the people who had wished they were around to greet 2014. My mashimoni, who said two days before she died that she wanted to attend my wedding. My chhotokaku,Β who did not get to see his only daughter earn her first salary. Like a son to my father, whose heart broke this year having to cremate his youngest brother. Younger by almost a decade.
My dearest childhood friend, Bag, who died a 24 year old virgin. My last conversation with him was the day Β before his accident when he said he was moving to Goa, because “the girls there put out”.
And didibhai. my sister who could not see her son graduate from junior school. Who had wanted to “go home” the day before her cancer claimed her just a few months ago.
This was also the year I lost, not to death but just as irretrievably, a person who I believed had a piece of my soul. A connection that neither time nor distance could erode. Not only did I lose him, but I lost with the understanding that everything he had said, all his principles, all the differences between us were because he simply did not really want me.
In 2013, I lost the bright light of kindness that shone in my husband — replaced by anger and hurt turning into steel with every passing day — when his childhood friends turned on him due a variety of reasons, the primary among which was that he had helped them when they were truly in need. And they did not want to be reminded of that by his presence.
Surrounded by the ghosts of all these people who wanted so dearly to put on a party hat and ring in the new year, and the intangibles that were irrevocably lost, I felt something cold descend upon me in the middle of a muggy Singaporean December.
I have always made friends easily, been vocal with my dislikes and my love. I have welcomed people into my heart and home, at any time, at any hour of the day. I have helped whenever asked to, saved whenever the need arose. I have never been measured in the things I do or say. 2014 will be the year when I stop.
I have never in my life made any new year resolutions. But this year, my resolution is to grow up.
Suchismita said:
You know what I got? I got a friend back. After almost a decade of generally being out of each other’s radar, she and I got back, and how!
marick99 said:
Reading this put a lump in my throat. The only thing I lost in 2013 was my job, and I thought, at the time, that it was terrible. But turns out, it probably wasn’t. It takes courage to share something like this, and perhaps it is strange to say, but I found it rather beautiful. Good luck to you!
mysketchbookproject said:
π everyone’s sorrows and anxieties are absolute to them. No one’s distress is more or less. 2014 will be a good year. I am hopeful
germaincanon said:
You are the second person ever to “like” and follow my blog so I thought I’d see yours; to be polite at first, because blogging is a whole unknown world to me, but then when I read your stuff… Well I leave my drawings and pictures silent because I don’t know what to say about them, but your texts make your drawings speak in a really moving way.
I am a young european who just arrived in Taiwan, so 2014 will probabily be a very strange and unique year. I hope I’ll get some tips here! Happy new year!
mysketchbookproject said:
Thank you, Germain. Well, your art is exceptionally good! I especially love your Little Hunter.
Taiwan?! That sounds like an adventure. I just moved to Singapore last year and it’s been quite a ride π
*Wisher* said:
wishing you the best for 2014 and many success in the coming months.. I guess we are all growing up each year and we’ll be stronger in the many months to come.. π
mysketchbookproject said:
thank you, angie π Happy new year to you too
*Wisher* said:
wishing you the best for 2014 and many success in the coming months.. I guess we are all growing up each year and we’ll be stronger in the many months to come.. π
mothcaterpillar said:
I truly wish you a wonderful 2014! Although I did not lost as much as you did in 2013, your post spoke volumes to me and felt very close to my heart! Thank you! It is my 3rd year when I promise myself that I will grow up, but somehow, in the end of each year, I find that I still did not. I wish you succeeding from the bottom of my heart! Happy New Year! π
mysketchbookproject said:
hahahaha, i’s not easy to change one’s basic nature, just like if you are a calculative, measured person by nature it’s difficult to be otherwise.
A very happy new year to you too. May 2014 be everything you’ve hoped for.
mysketchbookproject said:
I will π thanks for writing π
slmann said:
Stay strong, thank you for sharing your difficult year.
skywalkerstoryteller said:
As you know all that exists is impermanent, except what really matters compassion, kindness, striving for enlightenment, and creativity. Your talent will enable you to transcend loss, grief, and betrayal. Keep all that is good in you.
mysketchbookproject said:
This blog has saved me in more ways than one, really. This year I had some pretty big changes, but through it all this self expression which didn’t really even have an audience have me a kind of strength I can’t quite explain. And now all this kindness from strangers. Thank you for your message
spartacus2030 said:
I too have grown stronger from all the CRAP I had to deal with in 2013… I hope they burn the calendars!
My word, you have had a terrible year :O( I’m so sorry! I can’t help feeling for you; the one thing you have not lost is your Art! Throw yourself into it and you will feel better again. Your work keeps getting better! I think it ranks up there with Picasso!
And you hang in Hun! People here including me, love you especially much! BTW, I’ve chosen you for an: ‘I’m not freshly pressed’ award and am going to feature you on my site! It will bring you more hits which you assuredly deserve :O)
mysketchbookproject said:
Hahahahahha Picasso π you always make me laugh so much π thank you for your kindness and good wishes π and thank you for the award!
2014 will be your year, Spartacus. I can feel it. So happy new year!
Elephant said:
I think you are grown up now! You have endured loss and remained a kind thoughtful person. You don’t need to change because other people are substandard. Keep to your own path. I sincerely wish you a kinder and gentler 2014.
Elephant
mysketchbookproject said:
Thank you and I wish you a super awesome year ahead. I don’t know about how unchanged lives experiences can possibly leave a person. Sometimes it just feels like it wud easier to change
Elephant said:
I think people learn and change, but I don’t think they should feel pressed to change their kind nature because others are cruel. Your kindness should be a comfort to you – you have lived up to your own standards and your true nature – you can rely on yourself!
Elephant
Alan said:
I almost deleted this but did not and read it instead. We have all had loss in life and had to deal with, I almost lost my life about 18 months ago and have had to move on, probably never back to where I was before. I am glad I have discovered your art and it has made a difference to me. Continue to grow,by all means,but your work is important, at least to me.
mysketchbookproject said:
Dear Alan, I cannot thank you enough for your message. It made me teary eyed reading it. I wish you all the very best in your future. If destiny has granted you a new lease of life it must have big plans for you π love, Sree
Alan said:
Thank you for your kind words. Stay strong in the coming year. I look forward to your progress.
lostandfoundbooks said:
You express yourself so beautifully with words and with pictures…wishing you peace and happiness this year. And take care of yourself.
mysketchbookproject said:
Thank you so much π you made me smile